You know what they say about people with really small feet?

They get great deals on oversize kids sneakers.

FACT

Got a big problem with a monkey on my back. Normally that’s a bad thing but he’s a monkey chiropractor so i’m really loose… Monkey loose.

It’s like chasing a really slow dragon.

Saw a homeless guy asking for change in the subway tonight. Gave him the deed to a 40.7 million dollar 40 acre home in Montauk. He gave it back, said he just wanted change.

I guess you really can’t make people change.

I was watching TV last night and a commercial came on that started out with “Think it’s too late to get more life insurance?”. I thought this was pretty stupid considering it was already 10:45 PM.

They really should work on ad placement more.