My dick is like the Hindenberg. It’s a big deal, totally incredibly sweet at the time, then it blows up in front of you and burnsssssssss.

More to follow.

Street Fighter is one of those things that no one would play if it wasn’t a video game.

I drank a ton last night while watching football so I got to play one of my favorite morning games, Dixie shots. Dixie shots is a game where you drink as many dixie cups of cold water as you can before you take a shower. By now you might be saying to yourself, where’s the game?

The game is trying not to puke in the shower. What you need to keep in mind is that drinking cold water then going into a hot shower when you’re hungover is very hard to do. Just make sure you’re really hungover and really thirsty in the morning.

I made it to 12 today but i’m sure that was my limit. That was definately pushing it.

I can tell why gay men are so attracted to Man a tease.

Underwater mammalian curiousity is intriguing even to straight man like myself.

Now that Bettie Page is dead, I’m gonna have to get some new porn because I certainly am not a necrophile.

I found that out the hard way. I’m just not into jumping someones bones.

Friend - I am eating lamb broadbean soup with squash and banana.

Me - Am I to assume there is no toy in a hipster happy meal?

Me - You know, that girl over there kinda looks like Gillian Anderson.

Friend - Who?

Me - That hot chick from the X-Files.

Friend - Oh, Scully. She was hot.

Me - I thought that was Mulder?

Friend - Nope, she was definitely Scully.

Me - Damn. I wonder times I’ve told people I wanted to fuck Mulder.

I love songs about tomorrow. They give me a reason to believe in tomorrow, for tomorrow. But of all the songs I’ve heard tomorrow, my favorite song about tomorrow is “I’ve already heard about what happens tomorrow; tomorrow”. I believe that song was written by the Day After Todays.

Prolly some emo band I have no idea.

I’ve always wanted to say to someone “Don’t blow smoke up my ass”, but the more I think about it, it doesn’t need to be said.

I mean, I can’t even get baby carrots in there, let alone smoke.