This song is one that you probably know. It’s an oldies song and I really didn’t know what they meant. I kept asking myself, too late for what? Turns out it was actually too late to take the song seriously after you imagined it being a song about a fart. Check the lyrics.

Stayed in bed all morning just to pass the time
There’s something wrong here, there can be no denying
One of us is changing, or maybe we’ve stopped trying

It used to be so easy living here with you
You were light and breezy and I knew just what to do
Now you look so unhappy, and I feel like a fool

Download the song and listen to it now. It’s really too late.

A word needs to be said about Duerags.

Their practicality as headwear apparel speaks for itself, I’d really like to talk about something else. I’d like to exclaim vehemently how when I see someone wearing a Duerag, how I am so proud of that person. Its that feeling you get, when you’re like “I’m just so incredibly glad that person is the same species as I am”. You stop short of walking up and hugging them for fear of contracting cultural syphilis, though.

I had doubts before, but now I really do believe he can fly.

I think about it every night and day.

Sometimes not. Only once, I need to say that i’m saddened by the sudden death of Tim Russert. Much respect to a pure journalist from my home town of Buffalo. Hopefully someone with the same integrity will come around and give us all unbiased news.

I was thinking Bill O’Reilly could take his place, but that was only a bloody fecal cumfart of my imagination. Much like what you read here.

00:10 < +dh-> I saw the movie the happening today.
00:10 < +bvllets> i bet it sucks.
00:10 < +dh-> spot on.
00:11 < +bvllets> funny cause i knew another gay dude going to see his flick today.
00:11 < +bvllets> is shamalayan a fagmagnet?
00:11 < +bvllets> ie fagmag?
00:12 < +bvllets> wait, is his name spelled sham lay a man?
00:12 < +bvllets> either way i don’t want to see it.

What else is IRC good for?

I’m glad my job isn’t to sort magazines by title. I’d totally put “Teen Beat” in the wrong section.

I never understood why people ate their boogers; then I did cocaine.

Tomorrow i’m going on a fishing trip to the old Adirondacks mountains. Went to the store to get some Off bug spray. Ended up walking out with a dual pack of Raid bug killer. I don’t just want to repel them, I want to kill them. Plus it was cheaper.

Can you say win/win?

Yeah, I’m too cool to add something to Urban Dictonary. Maybe because it’s full of people using submissions to insinuate that their notfriends are gay through made up words? The internet is so full of love. At any rate, I have a submission.

Molet - Moles that have hair long enough to make macgyver’s hair look like imperfection.

“Look at that fucking molet on that dudes back!”

From me, the person who brought you such great games as Master Beaters and Pancreas Hammer, comes another game that is fun for the whole family (yes, even the dog). The overwhelming response has led me to divulge one of my personal favorite games. Get ready to play.

Ingredients:
1 Dartboard
3 Steel or Uranium Tipped Darts
2 Real Assholes
1 Semi-Asshole to Judge
1 Classic Elian Gonzales Picture (optional)

Directions:
Get a dartboard and at least 3 nice darts. Get the really nice darts because you’re going to need quality as you sequentially wreck them. Mount the dartboard on a wall with at least 10 feet of clearance on either side. 10 feet of left-right clearance even 10 feet from the wall. Get some space. When mounting the board, brick walls are preferred because you can wreck the wall trying to hang it and wreck the darts when you miss the board. It’s what we call a real “twofer”. Now that you sold your apartment to buy an abandoned brick-lined warehouse specifically to play this game, you’re ready to play this game.

ATF Darts is just like playing any of your regular dart games, but you need to do an ATF style move before you throw the dart. You might wonder what an ATF style move is, but as per the manual, it reads like this.

Official ATF style moves:
Forward somersault
360 degree turn around an door frame
Wearing really dark sunglasses
Making a huge alcohol, tobacco or firearm bust (in the same room)
Breaking down a door with one of those log shaped door slammer things
Working for the government in a manner that might make one think you’re an ATF agent

These moves don’t necessarily have to be real. You can act them out. The only thing that is important is you’re having a good time. Not to mention, this game is all about being safe. The winner is the one who wins whatever game you were playing. That’s the hard way to play. We usually just play until someone hits the dartboard.

I really like this game because I like throwing darts and pretending that I’m an ATF agent.

If you end up playing, let me know. If you end up hitting someone with a dart, let me know that too. Comments are open.

U2.

Tell it to one of your friends.

If you’re ever in a grocery store and you’re bored, go over to a banana and scratch “fuck me” in it.

Matter of fact, it’ll probably get sold before the others.

Since the water isn’t clear, and the masonry is genuinely appreciated; I think i’ll revolutionize the Boston entertainment region with my “World Famous Brick Bottom Boat Tours.” Guaranteed to grout your heart out, these “World Famous Brick Bottom Boat Tours” are known for their hospitality and building materialism. This was my idea in case you thought different. We all know that looking into the ocean is only so dynamic and fun. During a recent glass bottom boat tour, I did what I always do and think about how I could be spending my time more wisely. Then it hit me like a sack of bricks; bricks. Bricks are fucking dope. What about a brick bottom boat tour?

And there you have it.

Taken from a recent article in a New Jersey newspaper.

Arvada bandits disguise faces with thong panties
“Police in Arvada are searching for two robbers who took their disguise to a whole new fashion level–the pair held up a convenience store while wearing thong panties as masks.”

I wish I was able to cover this story so I could call them a couple of snatchers.

I swear to god when they wrote this song for the 7th inning stretch, it was only to be a foreshadowed shopping list for the lack of peanuts in a bag of cracker jacks. Trust me, 4 peanuts in a bag of caramel corn doesn’t make it not caramel corn.

I guess instead of calling it a ball game, they should call it a nut tease.