And on the 189th day, god invented plastic surgeons. To fix ye olde ailement of torn vaginas.
And on the 190th day, god invented jello shots. To make ye olde hotties drunk.
And on the 191st day, god invented crackheads. So ye olde blind people had something to laugh at.
And on the 192nd day, god slept. Because of ye olde hangover.
And on the 193rd day, god stopped blogging.

How many times does this have to happen before someone goes blind?

Forget about my sex life.

Enjoy this next story from mit3, the special guest poster.

Picture this:

Its 8:00AM, You’ve gone and had yourself a night of beef laden snack treats the night before, you’re now on your way to work thinking to yourself, “Jeez, I wish I could just take a couple hours off and maybe just shit and sleep.” Well I’m here to tell you, you can have your pie and bang it too. With just a few simple instructions and procedures to follow, you sir can master the art… of the shitter nap.

Shitcan Napping Clause(s) & Procedure(s) for Optimal Shitcan Napping:

I think you’ll find these short, but easy guidelines helpful as you enter into the exciting and amazingly neccesary world of shit-can napping.

God speed.

If I was on MySpace I would be a convicted pedophile.
And therefore not be on myspace.
Therefore I am not.

So theres this whole new phenomenon of seeing things in objects, mostly food items that have a somewhat freeform way of being created. God on toast, God in a plate of manicotti, Baby Jesus Cheetos, whatever. At first I didn’t really understand if this was divine intervention or if this was some sort of thing that people would just look so hard at something and it would just pop out. Like, maybe these things are clear and i’m just not looking hard enough. So I started looking.

My adventure started at the grocery store, naturally. I went to the deli because I was hungry. After arguing with myself if there was actually corn in corned beef, I saw a premade eggsalad sandwich. And I don’t think theres corn in the beef for the record. But inside the eggsalad sandwich I saw something that looks exactly like a chopped up piece of egg. I’m pretty sure you will see it too. Here it is

After seeing that I was convinced that there were things to be found. I didn’t even have to leave the deli section to find my next big deal. The order of pork base meats goes like this. Ham, Proscuitto, Black Forest Ham, Bologna, Olive Loaf, Head Cheese; Bingo. It hit me. I’ve never seen Sarah Jessica Parker look better than I saw her here. Right in the Head Cheese was that podiatrical beauty; Sarah Jessica. Take a look for yourself.

After I caught myself having an improper head cheese moment, the grocery store had consumed me. Time for alcohol so now i’m in the liquor store. Not knowing what I needed, but knowing if I bought a bottle of booze it wouldn’t be good; I decided to head to the wine section. Temparnillo? No. Bordeaux? No go. Malbec? Suck my deck. Bam. Wine of the Year. Is that? Lenotti Paul Giamatti? Reserve edition without a goatee? No way.

I thought I was trippin but I got it on film. Check it.

I couldn’t believe it. I was so blown away I got drunk. It’s St. Patricks day but so what. I still love St. Patti LaBelle.

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Slobodan Milosevic died of lonliness. Everyone else was wrong. Read his myspace.

Congrats on the 100th post bvllets. You really deserved it. Great spelling.

But I was thinking.

Basketball looks like hormones. Hormones in a sexless body. Striving for nothing. Nothing but net. Each one wants a goal. A goal that they cannot fathom without themselves. Who cares about fathoms anyways. Lets just be hormones, and live without sin.

Go New York Knicks.

Oh. Snap.

With the finding of the new Furry Lobster on the deep sea floor, I decided to make a new recipe. It’s the first Furry Lobster Recipe Ever. Let’s get to eating these fuckers.

Ingredients:

4 cups of furry lobster meat from steamed furry lobsters(approximately 20 1/10th to 1/9th pound furry lobsters)
1 cup mayonnaise
2 ribs of celery, small dice
1 bunch of green onions, thinly sliced
2 tablespoons dijon mustard
juice from 1 lemon
1 tablespoon flat leaf parsley, finely chopped
2 tablespoons basil chiffonade
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon black pepper

Directions:

Combine all ingredients except furry lobster in a mixing bowl.

Rough chop furry lobster meat an mix gently into dressing with a rubber spatula.

Split a baguette open 3/4 of the way lengthwise and cut into 4 6-inch sandwiches. Buttter the inside generously and toast under broiler until golden brown.

Fill with shredded lettuce and furry lobster salad.

Enjoy!!