Visual Humor

I Gotta Go, It’s Miller Time.

Saturday, October 30th, 2010

This ad on my ESPN fantasy football team page looks much better turned 90 degrees counterclockwise.

Miller Time Beer Piss

My Brute.

Sunday, May 24th, 2009

I’ve been playing this stupid shit called My Brute lately. It’s pretty fucking stupid but I don’t have to do anything but show up. That works for me. Anyways, they have all these special powers that you can get as you go up a level but one really struck me as being a bit off. Let me show it to you.

Implacable My Brute

Funny name they have for it, because I thought it was cockswordsmanship. The description doesn’t help defend that it isn’t. It actually makes it much more perverted if anything. Instead of thinking i’m actually Implacable, click on the picture to challenge me. Good luck.

Only Appropriate.

Wednesday, April 8th, 2009

Today in 1865, Robert E. Lee surrendered at the Appomattox Courthouse to Ulysses S. Grant to put a final end to the most epic battle in American History. I find it only appropriate that on the exact day that the Civil War ended, I find a real asshole that perpetuates racism. Not only is this guy an asshole, he’s a fish. Well, i’m not sure if it a guy fish or a girl fish but whatever, it’s a racist fucking fish.

Don’t believe me that a fish can be racist? Take a look at this son of a bitch.

Hawaiian Niger Trigger, Hawaii Nig Trig

Go ahead, try and keep that N-word down. I’ve never hoped for extinction of a species in my life, except for now. Listen up Mr. Hawaiian Niger Trigger, there is no room for racists in todays society. If that wasn’t the case, the Civil War wouldn’t have ever ended. Think about it.

I’m exposing you Mr. Racist Fish. Those “N-words” as you make people say them, or as i’ll call them here in a legal sort of way, “Racees”, have proven they’re here to stay. Welcome to your own “Civil” war buddy. If there is anything that racism has taught us, it’s that we shouldn’t have tolerance for people (or fish) that aren’t not racist.

No, but seriously, they should change that fish’s name. It’s just too easy to slip up in the wrong company and get your white ass kicked by mispronouncing a fish. Damn smart ass Ichthyologists.

Cherry Poppers.

Sunday, September 21st, 2008

Let’s say you’re at a bar and you’re hungry for something that isn’t a complete meal, or as they call it, an “Appetizer”. As a general rule, I don’t eat something that is described as something that is going to activate my more hungry buttons. No, I am not trying to cheap out of the dinner menu, I’m just trying to half-satiate myself as I continue to get more drunk.

This is where Poppers come in.

Jalapeno Poppers are really a great go-to appetizer for your average beer drinking deep-fried food fan. I tend to fall into that category, but that doesn’t mean I don’t strive for something better. I want to make something better.

How?

I started with the base of the popper and that seemed to be cheese. I decided to scrap that idea and think that it was about jalapenos. The name gave me some hints at that. So now that I knew about the jalapenos, I could research the popper part. There must be something about a jalapeno that means you can popper it. It popped in my mind instantly. Poppers are small. Now that I have established what poppers should be, it was time to create what poppers could be.

Corn? Hamsters? Nope. Cherries.

Cherry Poppers Jalapeno

Everyone loves popping a cherry. That’s why i’ve brought you my new deep fried Cherry Poppers. These are the first cherries that you can pop with your mouth. I guarantee you can’t pop a cherry with your mouth. Unless of course you’re popping one of my Cherry Poppers.

I’ll never forget my first time. Or any other time for that matter.

We’re working on a to go pack so that you can pop cherries wherever you want. We’re going to call them Travelin’ Wilcherries. Next time you wanna pop a cherry in your moms kitchen or in a gas station bathroom, we’ll have you covered.

Until next time, keep poppin’ them cherries.

WTFis Karn Flakes?

Wednesday, September 10th, 2008

Richard Karn, Flakes

I’d assume it’s that.

Trouterspace.

Thursday, August 28th, 2008

Trouterspace

I don’t know. I imagine this is what Peyote is like.

AccuWeather Frizz Report.

Thursday, August 14th, 2008

Bvllets AccuWeather Frizz Report

Maybe I fudged it a little.

Thanks to The Informant for the AccuWeather heads up.

Dr. Bvllets’ Pillow Bitters.*

Thursday, August 14th, 2008

Are you a pillow biter?

Do you suffer from bland pillows?

Are you tripping on mushrooms and reading my blog?

Do need to spice up your Cock tail?

Dr Bvllets Pillow Bitters

Introducing Dr. Bvllets’ Pillow Bitters!*

Never again do you have to suffer from another flat, unsavory pillow biting. Just take a few drops, splash them on the pillow and voila! Dr. Bvllets’ Pillow Bitters* has a pleasant artificial flavor that will compliment nearly any fabric blend pillow cover. Its unique patented tightening formula is suitable and optimal for men, women and fish. No matter what your pleasure, Dr. Bvllets’ Pillow Bitters* has your pillow, covered.

For just $2999.95, you too can have Dr. Bvllets’ Pillow Bitters*. It’s been called the Spanish Fly of Ibiza, which makes sense because Ibiza is in Spain. You don’t have to think too hard about that. So don’t think too hard and drop us a line in the comments. We’ll see what we can drum up for you.

* Not for use anywhere around me.

Prosthitutes.

Tuesday, July 1st, 2008

It’s a proven wikipedia fact that for centuries men have wanted to have sex with limbless women who wear prosthetics. Revolutions are meant to be broken. That’s why I present to you my newest, most disabled idea yet.

Prosthitute

Prosthitutes

Now disabled amputees and disasters are available to the public for paid sex, guaranteed to be there as fast as they can. Judging from the legless woman in the commercial that was running a marathon, i’d say pretty fast. Don’t be fooled by fake tits or transexual, those aren’t prosthetics. I’m sure you don’t have alot to say but, our slogan is “Get ‘em there, rip it off, get it on.”

Give us a call 1-800-FAKE-LEG.

A-Merkin Flag.

Wednesday, May 21st, 2008

A-Merkin Flag

If you don’t get it, you might want to google “merkin”.

Patio Monkies.

Friday, April 11th, 2008

Patio Monkies - Porch Monkies

Again, I call them how I see em.

Dune Coon.

Thursday, April 10th, 2008

The Original Dune Coon

As far as i’m concerned.

Intelligent Subway Graffiti.

Sunday, March 2nd, 2008

Intelligent Subway Graffiti 2

First off, this is an ad for Chase Bank and it is at a station in the NYC subway system. You probably can’t read what it says on the right but it is some graffiti. Not your tagging type graffiti which is similar to animals urinating on things to mark their territory. This type of graffiti is basically people trying to show their sharp wit in the form of words. I’ll read to you what it says.

“JUST LIKE A PIMP : Sell your soul to the bank with the biggest advert budget.”

Everyone knows that in order to open up a bank account, you have to sell your soul. That’s probably the most obvious thing here. That’s why it first struck me as being intelligent. Forget that they have the most ATM locations, and that it realistically could save you potentially $20-30 in fees in a month if your check is direct deposited. Since they wrote this on the ad, they obviously did their research to see what their advertisement budget was compared to every other bank. I’m impressed that they could do all this research underground while waiting for a train and get it right. Great work.

Oh yeah, and pimps use banks.

Before you go writing some stupid fucking shit on an ad, at least think of what you’re writing. Before you huff the marker.

Microsoft Sink?

Thursday, February 28th, 2008

Microsoft Sink Sync

Is it me or does Microsoft not know how to spell sink?

Also I haven’t heard shit about Microsoft hand towles or Microsoft liquid sope. I’d imagine the misspelling is rampant given the situation.

Subway Graffiti Logic.

Tuesday, February 12th, 2008

Ok so you got these people putting graffiti in the subways. Sometimes they’re witty and sometimes they’re not. Let’s take a look at this one logically.

Cancer is Bad. Subway Graffiti Logic.

Oh shit I had no idea that Egg McMuffins caused cancer. I’ve eaten about 100 of them in my life so I better get checked out immediately. That must mean logically that extra large permanent markers with volatile organic compounds are good for you. You are so smart. I’ll have to remember that. Thanks for the tip Mr. Subway Graffiti Writer.

Ribeye of the Tiger.

Friday, February 8th, 2008

Ribeye of the Tiger

Must be the Ribeye of the Tiger.

Introducing – The Logod.

Wednesday, February 6th, 2008

You know how it’s Ash Wednesday right? That’s right. This is the day that they take an ashtray of some old smoked up Marlb dust and wipe it on your forehead. This is to signify that you are no better than cigarette ashes in the eyes of God. In addition to this, it also signifies the beginning of Lent which is Latin for “Dad’s finally sober for a reasonable length of time”.

I have an idea that hopefully will revolutionize Ash Wednesday.

The Logod!

Christina Ricci - Logod

Introducing the first Ash Wednesday ash smudging accessory to incorporate the visibility of a major brand with the all knowing power of God! With this particular model, you can let everyone know you love Nike and God! Christina Ricci sure does! She for one won’t let a forehead like that go to waste with an ordinary ash smudge.

And kids, don’t forget to ask for these by name at your local church!

Leopard Upgrade.

Sunday, January 20th, 2008

Leopard Upgrade.

This is actually what i’ve heard through the grapevine.

Shepherd Brando Canine Brandin’ Iron.

Thursday, December 13th, 2007

I know all of you our there are sick of trying to find your dog. Especially when you lose him. I know you can’t be happy with the current methods of tracking your dog because they’re cruel to animals. A tattoo? Get real, that’s cruel. A RFID chip? That is even more cruel! Welcome to the 21st century with the Shepherd Brando Canine Brandin’ Iron.

Shepherd Brando

With our new branded dog branding system, you will never lose your dog. Our patented dog branding irons are significantly different than cow branding irons so you will never accidentally bring a cow home instead of your dog or bring the wrong dog home accidentally that you had mistaken for a cow. Talk about piece of mind.

With Shepherd Brando’s Canine Brandin’ Iron set, we give you 2 iron through pitchin’ iron. So don’t be thinkin’ that you can’t brand a chihuahua and a wolfhound in the same session. You can with the new Shepherd Brando Canine Brandin’ Iron.

If you’re looking for a dog tracking system, email me.

Sex Toys for Tots!

Thursday, December 6th, 2007

Sex Toys for Tots

Be sure to donate! They accept new or used!

I know it’s a bit sick, but I encourage you to donate to the real Toys for Tots.

It’s a great cause.