I’m not sure how this is gonna come out but, if there was seperate Whites bathroom in the middle of a war torn African country, i’d probably not complain about it. I might even just hide in there for a while.

That type of segregation works for me.

I’d hope that if you get caught with weed in Dubai, they’d be civil about it and cut your lungs off instead of your hands.

You definately need your hands.

Fuck you and we wish you the best of luck on election day.

So I changed addresses the other day. Well, I moved but the USPS doesn’t have a “moving” form, just “change of address”. They told me I couldn’t change my address online and that I had to send in the mail form. I sent in the form and didn’t think much about it until now.

They sent me a confirmation that said “USPS Verification required, do not discard” on the envelope. I basically disregard most mail except letters from the IRS (They can and will fuck you). For some reason I opened it since it thought it was important to get my IRS mailings. Let me tell you, I opened it and it was as important as opening the Sunday circulars or pennysavers for all you rural folk. Sweet, sweet advertising. I will now give you the full list of ads/pamphlets/garbage that I got in the mail from a the USPS.

JCPenney, Geico, AT&T, DirecTV , Kmart, Chase Bank, Gamefly, Invisible Fence, Poland Spring, Vonage, Benjamin Moore, Earthlink, Eversafe, Secure Horizons, National Flood Insurance Program, New York Sports Club, Time Warner Cable, HP, Magazines.com, Checksunlimited.com, Artisticlabels.com, All Posters, People PC, Circuit City, Blinds to Go, Ikea, Globe Life and Accident Insurance Co., Home Depot.

Talk about vertical markets. I know that USPS is trying to maximize their money, but there are a ton of markets they missed out on. If the USPS is about to exploit every person underneath the mail system you might as well do it right. People are people and they will probably be interested in anything you send them. Go for the gold, send everything. Here are just a few of the companies that they missed.

Flowbee, Colt 45, Homeguillotine.com, How to Get Free Cheeseburgers at McDonalds, Expensive Hookers Inc., Ediblekittylitter.com, Refinance Your New Home That You Just Moved Into, Vegan Cheese Outlet, Any company starting with the letter A through Z if they give you some money, Tubgirl.com, Frankie P. Cheesewinkles Pleasure Factory.

Take note USPS, because I sure as hell could use some more things to throw out.

I didn’t know what a real stance on a political issue was until my friend who was a political major asked me. He goes “what is your stance on abortion?”. I thought firmly and deeply and laid down on my back and threw my legs in the air.

That’s my stance on abortion.

I have a great idea for all those who are screaming for White House reform. Basically it’s called shooting yourself in the face. If you shoot yourself in the face and die, the White House will change. We will send you emails to let you know the progress when you’re dead and gone. You have my word.

P.S. – Just because George W. Bush hasn’t done anything right doesn’t mean that I want to hear you whine about it.

Don Imus is a straight haired honkey.

Please, please suspend me for that racist comment because we’re all turning into total pussies. Oh and by the way I hate those spic salmon nigger lawyer danish jew faggot chilean doctor labrador cracker barrel lesbian dildo rocket scientist over-the-top salt enthusiasts. Seriously.

I swear to god I just saw Condoleeza Rice at McDonalds. She was taking bites that made the cheeseburger look like an asscrack. She would bite into it and the gap in her teeth put a perfect line of cheeseburger down the middle. I bet eating chicken wings is easy for her. It sure looks like it worked for Michael Strahan. I should look into getting that done. I wonder who they went to for that.

Who am I kidding. It’s probably too expensive to go back in time and have fucked up teeth.

The United States Association of America.

That’d be funny if it existed.

Slobodan Milosevic died of lonliness. Everyone else was wrong. Read his myspace.

The hunt for Terrorism is an ongoing battle between good and evil. We can protect against the things we can see; but what about the things that we can’t see? Like Crayfish with Bombs on their back? Recent tests of fresh water lakes and streams have visually demonstrated that Crayfish with Bombs are already in our waters, waiting to strike at any time. Below is a picture of a specimen that we caught in a reservoir just outside of New York City.

We all know that since you don’t have streams and lakes in your home, you don’t have to worry about them getting in there; but what about your computer? Absolutely nothing is there to stop a Crayfish with a Bomb from hacking your computer and attacking you from the internet. Only if you act now will we be able to protect your homeland security by helping yourself become a secure homeland with

CrawdadKiller 2K*

For the super mega ultra low price of $199.95** you can protect yourself from Crayfish with Bombs from hacking your computer and attacking you from the internet with CrawdadKiller 2K*. Along with the easy install kit you will also receive certification that the CrawdadKiller 2k* is Y2k compliant and compatible with Appletosh.

*Will not kill Crabs.
**Actually for effect we moved a decimal point. The real price is $1999.50.

Comment now. Operators are standing by.

I shot my friend?

It’s called karma, bitch!