54 degrees and Sunny. Light wind from the Northwest. Hot man sex.

And thats your weather report from Chelsea in Manhattan.

Nothing is better than ordering from a Brooklyn Dunkin Donuts operated by African Americans. It is the only place where I can go to have the same question about my cream and sugar coffee asked to me 8 times. Cream and sugar usually means it has cream and sugar in it. Not there. It means ask me 8 times about what I want in my coffee. It would be acceptable but there are only really 2 things that can be added to coffee so it’s like, hey, ask me no more than 2 questions. The worst part was that I had to help out a cop. I don’t generally like cops but the person behind the counter was so oblivious to the menu that she had no idea what was going on. I forgot to tell you she was the manager. I then made the mistake of ordering a sausage and egg croissant which took me 15 minutes to get and was almost frozen. I bit into it and almost choked on insanity. This guy assembled the cold egg, sausage and cheese croissant and proceeded to hand wrap it and hand it to me. No heat at all. I swear he had too many paint chip flavored iced coffees. It was crazy.

15 minutes later I shit my brains out in some apartment we were looking at renting that had toilet paper. I’m not sure how the broker really took it when I closed the door and came out 5 minutes later. Who cares the apartment sucked. There was a home HIV test box on the floor which I can’t say wanted to make me live there.

So im in the Hamptons and I think im in love. These people are so easy to make fun of. We were driving down the street and I guess we were supposed to be going somewhere. I was just happy to be in a car. I saw a Carvel and Cookie Puss dominated my grey. So all my friends are asking me where we should turn and all i’m saying is Cookie Puss. Pretty much not helpful, but I really wanted that brown face delight. I’m grabbing my balls and they’re like ask this lady. She starts to give us directions and well, let me give you the profile. 35, sorta fat but built, trying to be a runner, SHORT HAIR, butch face. They start to give her directions and i’m like HEY WHERES DYKEHAMPTON. I don’t know if she liked it but I laughed and she was useless from the get go. I mean if I was eating box all day I would want to try and run it off too. Anyways fuck that lez. The point of the post is I made fun of people simply by putting ‘Hampton’ at the end of the, well, I guess it was a slur. Let me give you a list of things I yelled out the window.

Hey boys wheres Faghampton?
Is this Vadgehampton? Sure looks like it.
Hi, i’m Tim Hampton. I own this place.
I think we’re in Shithampton.
Dude, who took a wrong turn at Cellulitehampton.
Holy Snatchampton! (the boobs were equally distracting, yea I mean naked broads)
OMFGimfinishedhampton.
Hey isn’t… hahah i had to close it the hot girl came out here. I don’t think I can expose this to her just yet.
Wait, what did I want to say.. oh yea
Seriously this is WeekendatBernieshampton. <3 Bernie.
I have reached my goal. I have seen Thirtydollarstoparkhampton.
Jesustittyfuckingchristhampton.

Not too bad. So easy. Please add your derogatory hampton cities in the comment section.