You know what they say about people with really small feet?

They get great deals on oversize kids sneakers.

FACT

I believe the demographic of the average padded toilet seat owner to be as follows.

Purveyor of comfort.
Enjoys time alone in small ventilated rooms.
Uncomfortable with the feeling of a cold rear lower body.
Looks up to their grandmothers bathroom sensibility.
Takes longer shits, both in volume and time.
Overweight.
Does not mind whooshing noises upon mounting toilet.
Genuinely likes sticking to things.
Wants a permanent visual record of all toilet seat collateral damage. (Poo scars)
Is not like me.

I don’t get them either.