I really wish I could set up a farm of plants. Oh yeah that’s actually just called a farm. I want to have a farm to grow things I would enjoy and enjoy not paying for. One example would be weed, but it is illegal and I don’t want no jail time. Another would be okra but it’s completely disgusting. Hmmm, what next.

If I was going to grow something that I would enjoy for free, it would probably be a plant that grows lapdances. God knows how it would work or look. Actually God probably doesn’t even know what a lapdance is. If you begin to think about it, it sounds amazingly weird. Nobody wants to pay money for someone to imitate having sex with you through chafing pants and undergarments. (By nobody I mean nobody who has ever had sex before. Coincidentally strip clubs aren’t usually full of virgins. I think that’s a legal thing.)

These aren’t some plants that I wouldn’t pay attention to. This is a garden that I would take immaculate care of. I would plant them in plenty of soil and make sure they got a generous amount of sun. I would make sure that they were watered properly with free shots of cheap liquor. I would make sure that they got all the nutrients they needed, like cocaine, misguidance, verbal abuse, physical abuse and an alcoholic father. Believe me, these plants would grow into some serious dank lapdances.

Imagine this, I’d have some friends friends over and we’d have a little buzz on. Then i’d ask them if they wanted to try some of my homegrown lapdances. After much explanation that I wasn’t going to be personally giving the lapdances, we’d bust out the end result and have a grand old time. And no one would pay.

The End.

This entry was posted on Thursday, November 13th, 2008 at 11:17 pm and is filed under Comedy, Funny Ideas, Im a Retard, Quick Laughs, Sexy Time, WTF Stuff, bvllets. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.