Here goes.

I work at a business with limited bathrooms. We all have time to use the bathroom, but sometimes you need to take a really nice shit that will decide to have its own hang time. Since we have limited bathrooms, people will occasionally knock on the door while you’re either in the process of shitting or in the aftermath. This isn’t a fun time, especially when your shit seriously stinks. The biggest problem is that you don’t have any air freshener. You sit in the bathroom waiting to walk out and let them into the bathroom, almost right behind you. As you exit you want to say “Hey don’t go in there”, but you feel it’s in such poor taste because you’re a total pussy. I’ve been in that situation and I know how to get around it.

Get in the bathroom and shit. Try to squeeze and cherish and don’t cut any corners. A knock is coming. First thing you do after a knock is scan the bathroom. Since I said there aren’t any air fresheners, don’t bother looking for them. What you do find though, is soap. The key to masking your scent is in the soap. It doesn’t matter if it’s a bar or liquid soap, it’s going to work well enough that you can walk out and pretend it might not have been you. Wet your hands. After you wet you hands, put the bar of soap or a few squirts of some liquid soap in your hands and pretend you’re jerking off your hands with your hands. Once you work your hands fury into a hands lather, spread out your hands and wave them like scent radiating hand fans. Wave your 5 fingers (4 fingers + thumb) x 2 mains around in the air. Wave them in the air and fan around the scent. Put your everywhere hands everywhere. The best move is the pirouette over the toilet with open hands. dont’ be afraid to do the butt-erfly. Either exude the maximum hand scent.

Once you’re finished, put a smile on your face and prepare to leave. As you leave, greet the next person into the bathroom with indifference.

If they ask, proudly tell them the soap took a shit.

This entry was posted on Friday, August 29th, 2008 at 1:51 am and is filed under Comedy, Funny Ideas, Im a Retard, Quick Laughs, Situational Humor, True Funny Stories, WTF Stuff, bvllets. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.