I don’t know if any of you ever had a father, but mine taught me one of the best life lessons that one could teach to their young son. I’ll never forget it. He said..

“Son, don’t go messing up your baseball cards because I would be a millionaire if I hadn’t put them in the blender.”

So what ended up happening is that I had no choice but to take care of my baseball cards. Wise words that my dad probably meant about possesions in general and not cards. I went home recently and dug through sets upon sets of baseball cards just going “Wow, I wonder what these are worth.” I turned to ebay and started researching my cards. There is no better way to determine the value of something than to see the current value at Americas “I’m ready to throw this out” flea marketplace. The first card I looked up was a Ken Griffey Jr. Rated Rookie, the best card in the 1989 Donruss set and one of my most valuable cards. The card is modestly priced at $.01 with $2 shipping. A future hall of famer and class act baseball player. His rookie card is now selling for $.01. Approximately 30% of my retirement plan is now worth $.01.

I figure that this might be an anomaly. Maybe I have some more valuable cards out there, who knows. Let’s try the 1984 Mark McGuire rookie in the 1984 Topps set. This card is legendary for a couple reasons. One is that he’s on Team USA and the other is that he’s not a runway model for anabolic steroids inc. The card is now selling for $4.09 and $2 shipping. This was also 30% of my retirement.

As far as I can tell, my dad has an precise vision of the future by +/- 500,000%.

I got sick of looking up cards, so I started looking up the cases that they were in. Both of these cards are in polycarbonate cases that have actual screws in them to hold it together. I’m drunk so I fuck up the search and it suggests a few alternatives. I find not just the case, but a card and a screw down case as a package deal. Cool. It’s a Ryne Sandberg rookie card, in a screw down case for $.01 plus $1.99 shipping. One of the best second basemen of all time. Neither the case or the card is selling for more than a penny. Talk about appreciation. Way to go.

There is a lesson to be learned here but instead of telling you i’m going to announce that I’m accepting donations for my retirement. I will send you baseball cards. Send a self addressed envelope to

bvllets
1 Dejected Kid Lane
Hobbies Turned into Ridiculously Bad Investments, NY 00001
USA, North America
Earth, Milky Way Galaxy

This entry was posted on Thursday, November 22nd, 2007 at 5:24 am and is filed under bvllets, Comedy, Im a Retard, Quick Laughs, True Funny Stories. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.