Snackccident.
I usually don’t get scared about anything, not even death. I guess I might get scared of a slow death like any human being, but not death itself.
The other day I had a problem that scared me so bad that I had to go see a doctor. If you must know it was an abnormal brown lump on my right asscheek that wasn’t a mole. It was brown, slightly bumpy and quite large, so I really felt like I had to get some medical attention. I arrived at the doctor’s office and they forwarded me immediately to an examination room. While I was waiting I got nervous and started to heat up and sweat profusely. My entire life flashed in front of me as I gave myself my own blood pressure and stole a few bottles of betadine and xylocaine. Finally the doctor arrived and tried to give me my blood pressure but I told him I already took it and that it was fine. Once I said syphgmomanometer he finally believed me. He asked me what the problem was and then asked me to drop me my pants. He laughed profusely at which point I bugged out. I couldn’t believe that he was serious so I yelled at him “What the fuck is so FUCKING funny?!?!”.
He apologized about the laughter and said he saw alot of brown the asked if I shit my pants. I told him there was no way it was possible so he smelled my ass and immediately grabbed at my cancer. It didn’t hurt so I looked back, but before that could happen he told me that everything was gonna be ok. I was informed that I had a snackccident and sat on a raisinette. He said I could go. I believed him. Theatre seating is a son of a bitch.
Me - So anyways doc, can I have some xanax?
Doc - Yeah, I think you need it.
This is actually a PSA. Double check your skin cancer because you might have had a snackccident.