I’m gonna share a story to let you know what kind of person (kid) I was. I think it was 6th grade and I was at my house unsupervised for the first summer ever. It was bliss. Video games, sports, bb guns and no parents.

It was a balmy wednesday and we were watching MTV (when it was good). We noticed 2 men in suits walking on the sidewalk and them turning onto my driveway. They rang the doorbell and probably saw us if not just heard the tv and us. We answer “Nobody’s home” and hope that they leave. Instead they ask to “Just talk” and insist that they can help us. They will not leave. This continues about 4 times before I suggest that we spray them with my Super Soaker 200 from the top window. For those of you not familiar with this aqua weapon, this has 2 bottles on top for water and one bottle in the back for air. It was the AK-47 of waterguns. Here.

So we decided to take it upstairs but the gun is empty. Since there were 2 bottles I gave one to my friend and he took it into the bathroom while I took mine to the kitchen. I thought to myself, “These guys are real assholes praying on unsupervised kids, I should put some bleach in there”. So I put about a quarter cup of bleach in there and filled the rest up with hot water. My friend comes back and he hands me his bottle. It’s warm and smells like piss. I don’t question it. We go to the second floor which is about 10 feet up but almost on top of the front door. I rip open the window and turn up the sash, my Super Soaker swelling with a great big mass of piss and bleach. I take aim and unload on them like my grandfather taught me to do with nazis and asians. It hits both of their lapels almost simultaneously as intended by my choice of nozzle action. Total moneyshot. They walk away distinctively with the pride only a jesus freak could have.

At this point i’m laughing my ass off in my parents room with a squirtgun filled with bleach and piss. I say to my friend, “Hey did you piss in that”? He tells me that he filled it up to about half. I then tell him I put bleach in mine. Evidently bleach is alot less cool than piss because he started to get mad. Since we were kids, he goes right back to an approving look. We high 5 each other and go back to watching TV. Eyes tearing from laughter I wash out my Super Soaker 200 for the day and wait for Mom to come home. I think that’s when I first fell in love with Summer.

This entry was posted on Sunday, March 25th, 2007 at 3:42 am and is filed under Comedy, Im a Retard, True Funny Stories, WTF Stuff, bvllets. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.