From what I’m gathering about this situation, I think that it’s a relatively common one, but I can’t be sure until I start getting
comments about this.

When I was a kid, I lived in the suburbs. Being in the suburbs means you only have certain little places to play at and the rest of the neighborhood is filled with people who’s sole existence is to yell at you. Anyways, there was this place behind my house that was a pond/swamp/field/forest/general shithole. Next to the pond was this backyard of a house that was between a bowling alley and a VFW lodge. Occasionally we would tread in there and it was fenced up, so it was reserved for when we were feeling saucy. One time me and my friend Tim ventured in there and we found an entire garbage bag full of Playboys and Penthouse. This was a serious collection and I really don’t have any idea how it got there, but let me repeat it; this was a serious collection. This was 4th grade. The age where you really have no idea what to do with porn. The fact was, I had no idea what to do with it,but I loved looking at it. Tim and I would go to this place daily. Keep in mind that it was full of trees and thickets so we could really get into these mags. This went on for about a week and let me tell you, word spread. Pretty soon it wasn’t just Tim and I knowing about these. One day I really got sick of sharing, so on my own, I went into the woods with a small foldable shovel (thanks Dad) and buried these about 30 feet from where we originally found them. From there I pretty much forgot about them.

I distinctly remember going back into the woods in 6th grade on a mission. To find the porn and beat off in the woods to it. Well, it seems like a good plan in theory, but the truth is, imagine porn that has been buried in the woods for 2 years. I dig it up and it has worms, potato bugs and centipedes in it. What else is a 11 year old white trash kid from the suburbs like me gonna do? That’s right, I beat off. It was good. Is that weird?

Or is it even weirder that after I was done I took the worms and went fishing with them?

This entry was posted on Wednesday, February 22nd, 2006 at 9:12 pm and is filed under Comedy, Quick Laughs, True Funny Stories, bvllets. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.