Man, we eat some crazy shit. I don’t mean like Blooming Onions or Moons over My Hammy or anything like that. I mean Ox Tails, Mortadella, Tripe, Chicken Gizzards and shit like that. The meat spectrum, but which end of the meat spectrum I can’t tell. I walked into the meat department last night literally staring at the prepackaged shit. I live in a somewhat unsavory part of Brooklyn and they have some weird shit down here. I swear I stared at the Chicken Feet for at least 5 minutes. I started grabbing different packs but the best deal I saw was 11 feet for $1.58. A real steal when you’re after Chicken Feet, but not matching pairs of Chicken Feet. So like, what exactly do you do with these, eat them? WTF. I think there are much better uses than cooking and or eating them. Here are a few suggested uses for Chicken Feet.

Chicken Feet Awareness Propaganda - Slap one of these on your antenna of your car for a real treat. Show how much you love chicken and their feet. This could be the real Chicken Feet awareness ribbon.

Retail Clothing Store security – Instead of those metal tags, slap a few Chicken Feet around the collar. No one is gonna steal shit with a Chicken Foot or 3 on it. If you really don’t think that will work you can have a dog at the exit and he can tell you what’s being stolen. If dogs eat shit I’m sure that they’ll eat a Chicken Foot.

Safe Throwing Stars – Keep them in your belt like any urban ninja who doesn’t want to get caught with illegal weapons. Go ahead, toss one at your friends or your enemies. I’m sure you will find that it will work on just about anyone. Maybe even draw some blood. Just don’t throw them at dogs.

Ground breaking Sex toys – Get the edge on local and international deviants by using Chicken Feet in the bedroom. Shove one up her ass or your own for some serious excitement. This has been known to shake up even the best relationships so you can be assured that this will work, even for you.

Hilarious prosthetics – Instead of the medical community giving hardly laughable fake body parts and hooks to people who lose limbs, start attaching hilarious Chicken Feet! They say laughter is the best medicine for anything so let’s start by attaching them to people who need a laugh most! Not for use on peg leg Pirates.

End all replacement for Methadone – There needs to be something to stop this. I am purely speculating here but I think that if you say that you’re going to replace Methadone with Chicken feet dipped in Heroin you might get less people who ask for it. Hell, they might even get off drugs too.

This entry was posted on Sunday, October 16th, 2005 at 9:52 pm and is filed under Comedy, Funny Ideas, Quick Laughs, WTF Stuff, bvllets. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.