Hurricane Rita Surf report
Dudes I got a wicked surf report from Galveston Texas or somethin. They’re predicting multi rippers from the southcoastness. Get your boards and I totally think a wetsuit is for real good cause it’s cold. I’ve had too many bummers harshin’ my mellow like shunken nut bummers over the liquid. You know what I say, fuckem if they can’t rip a gnarley one. They’re nothin but wading pool poseurs. Whoah dude I forgot the report.
Galveston, TX - Lots of rippin breaks up to 77′ but the crowd is more Corona than Sam Adams. Once it hits it’s time for all the Mexicans who been too shamed to cross to break on through to the other side. Don’t expect any limes in the Coronas and don’t drink the water.
New Orleans, LA - Secrets have it that the Superdome is the place to be. French district is still full of totally gay homos so stay out of there. I heard Girls Gone Wild got so wild they started featuring all the residents left in the area. That alone is worth it. Expect 55′ swells and besides the curls, expect black people looting and white people finding.
Miami, FL - Get your hooker on dude we ain’t surfin here. Eggplantina Picante Cuervo is ready for you bro. Come see the place that Suge Knight shot himself in the probation a little bit ago. Surfin 32′ swell charms blow pop sweet liquid honies will get you far.
Hilton Head, SC - Totally white people drinking and looking like shit. Good place to take a shit though. Seriously I was into it. Maybe it was the hospitality. 14′ swells and the same dead black people washed up on shore that white people there throw into the ocean as always. Look out for the concrete feet!
Disko Bay, Greenland - Hard disco plays nonstop but not there. 2′ puffies and -47 degree water keeps the manliness at a vienna sausage type level(wink wink, you know what I mean dudes!). Seriously tho, stay away from this place if you’ve ever heard of some shit called a conversation or survival.
Bleachblonde, CA - Totally dude. Totally.