Ok so someone conned me into fantasy football with ESPN. I’m not totally complaining but the system fucked up this week. Dont ask me how.

The VP of it emailed me and I assumed everyone about the error. The message is as follows.

Dear Bvllets,

I want to let you know that everyone at ESPN.com shares your frustration with the early season technical problems with our Fantasy Football application. I appreciate very much that you have chosen to play Fantasy Football with us and we value our relationship with you - fan to fan.

I want to apologize to you for the problems we’ve had and assure you that we are doing everything in our power to solve them and provide an experience that the best, most passionate sports fans on the Web deserve.

Our aim is to have our Fantasy Football application operating normally for this Sunday’s games. We will be updating you on our progress and resolution.

Bvllets, again we appreciate that you are playing Fantasy Football with us and we will do everything possible to make this a terrific experience for you this season.

Sincerely,

John Kosner
Senior Vice President and General Manager

…….

So anyways. It was funny cause I don’t care. So I decided to have some fun. Don’t you know I would?

Here is my response.

Dear John,

I apologize about temporarily losing my first born son because of errors with your game. Shit happens. I trusted ESPN to come through with the best fantasy football system ever and made a wager that I guess I wasn’t ready to cash. So much that I ended up having to trade my first born son to an internet acquaintance for 16 weeks. At least the term ends at the end of the regular season and we agreed to have my son returned before the superbowl so we could both watch it. I had to cut it off there. Can’t give it all away. The only reason i’m worried truthfully is because the guy is a Vegan. He won’t feed my son anything but brown rice, broccoli and tofu because thats all he has. I dropped him off today and almost broke down into tears. If he turns my son into a scrublebug crumbbum I swear I might retaliate on not so ethical terms. Anyways, I hope that the system has become more secure as of late before I bet more than I can handle because honestly I don’t know how I am going to deal. I wish I had won his first born instead.

Sincerely,

Bvllets

……

I really wrote him with my real name. I hope he responds. It will be the next post.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, September 14th, 2005 at 1:24 am and is filed under Comedy, Im a Retard, Quick Laughs, True Funny Stories, bvllets. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.