My Yellow
Please wait for a site operator to respond.
You are now chatting with ‘Jenni’
Jenni: Hello. Thank you for using Yellow Transportation’s web site. How may I help you?
you: Hi Jenni
you: I need to track a shipment
Jenni: Hello
Jenni: What is the pro #
you: The tracking number is 4
Jenni: The tracking # will be 9 digits
you: OK it must be 000000004
Try it out yourself. http://www.myyellow.com and click on the “Live Chat” in the top right hand corner. The shit rules. Post yours in the comment section.
September 12th, 2005 at 11:00 am
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You are now chatting with ‘John P’
John P: Hello. Thank you for using Yellow Transportation’s web site. How may I help you?
you: Im trying to figure this whole thing out John.
John P: what whole thing are we talking about
you: tracking of my package. I feel so overwhelmed.
John P: let me help
John P: what is the tracking number
you: I feel like it all lacks forward momentum. Nothing is progressing or changing. I think its 865.
John P: our tracking numbers are 9-10 digits in length
you: Yesterday I went the whole day without speaking and no one noticed. I feel inconsequential. Everything is banal. Maybe it’s 723218 856.
John P: I am checking on that for you. One moment, please.
you: Thank you John.
John P: Are we talking about freight coming to you
John P: This site is for business use only. Do you have a question about Yellow Transportation that I can help you with?
you: Sir, I cant seem to track my freight or figure out fuel surcharges for this freight. Im simply a little upset about it. I’ll be ok, though. Everything will be ok. Is there something that will help me.
you: ?
John P: Please call Customer Service at 800-610-6500 to better serve your request.
John P: Is there anything further I may assist you with?
you: Tell me where my cargo is. And that I’m pretty.
John P: Please call Customer Service at 800-610-6500 to better serve your request.
John P: Is there anything further I may assist you with?
you: No John P. I guess that’s all. Thank you for everthing, I feel better.
John P: Thank you for using Yellow Transportation’s web site. We value your business.
Chat session has been terminated by the site operator.
September 14th, 2005 at 2:47 pm
Please wait for a site operator to respond.
You are now chatting with ‘Jennifer’
Jennifer: Hello, how may I help you today?
you: Hye lady
you: how YOU doin?
Jennifer: I’m doing great, thank you. Is there anything I can help you with today?
you: well, i just went to tim horton’s, ya know over thure on the turnpike thure eh? and i had there new luch special
you: cup o coffe, bowl of chilli, and a apple fritter
you: ever had it?
Jennifer: I’m sorry but I think you are on the wrong website. We are Software Projects and we do Internet Marketing
you: oh, that sucks. it made me shit a fetus.
Chat session has been terminated by the site operator.
September 14th, 2005 at 3:23 pm
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You are now chatting with ‘Djamel’
Djamel: Hello. Thank you for using Yellow Transportation’s web site. How may I help you?
you: hi d, im kaiser
you: is john p there?
Djamel: Hi
Djamel: yes
you: could you transfer me to him, he helped a friend of mine a while back and he was just so, sensitive
you: i feel like i already know him
Djamel: ok
you: you have an interesting name - Djamel
you: how do you pronounce that?
Djamel: just a monent ..
you: like Didgeridoo?
Djamel: Please wait while I transfer the chat to ‘John P’.
You are now chatting with ‘John P’
John P: Hello. Thank you for using Yellow Transportation’s web site. How may I help you?
you: hi john P, whats Djamel’s problem?
John P: How can I help you
you: i mean, im not going to let this come between us… but its like, hey, Didgeridoo, im just tring to track a package here.
you: ok
you: big P
you: i wanted to speak with you specifically because you helped a friend of mine track a package a little while back, and tales of how sensitive you were at servicing him have traveled far and wide… no pun intended
John P: Sorry about that
you: about what big P??
John P: what is the name of the shipper and the zip it is going to
you: oh sorry
you: ok
you: its
you: hold on
you: just one sec here
you: iiiiiits comin
you: …
you: gimmie a minute
you: ok ok ok ok ok i got it
you: ah, nope
you: one sec
you: ok
you: Its Topco
you: going to 11222
John P: I am checking on that for you. One moment, please.
John P: Sorry I do not see that in the system
John P: Please call Customer Service at 800-610-6500 to better serve your request.
John P: Is there anything further I may assist you with?
you: oh wait
you: i spelled the name wrong
you: its not topco
you: its Coptoe
John P: Please call Customer Service at 800-610-6500 to better serve your request.
you: big P
you: common
you: hey is that you in the little picture in my chat window?
you: you look like the father from Rosanne
you:
John P: This site is for business use only. Do you have a question about Yellow Transportation that I can help you with?
you: yea i’ll call customer service
John P: Is there anything further I may assist you with?
you: FUCK THAT SHIT, PABST BLUE RIBBON!!!!
Chat session has been terminated by the site operator.
September 14th, 2005 at 3:57 pm
Please wait for a site operator to respond.
You are now chatting with ‘John P’
John P: Hello. Thank you for using Yellow Transportation’s web site. How may I help you?
you: Hi John
John P: hello
you: I would like to track a package
John P: what is the tracking number
you: I think it’s 007973522
John P: I am checking on that for you. One moment, please.
John P: I show that is guaranteed to deliver tomorrow before 1700
John P: Is there anything further I may assist you with?
you: What is the exact address it’s going to?
John P: BDTDE MEXICO
John P: AV DEL BOSQUE 1220
John P: TLAQUEPAQUE JA 45590
John P: Is there anything further I may assist you with?
you: Thats weird, i’m in NY
you: Who shipped it
John P: BEACH MOLD & TOOL
John P: 999 PROGRESS BLVD
John P: NEW ALBANY IN 47150
you: Hm, who is Beach Mold
John P: The shipper
you: This isn’t very good
you: Someone is gonna get in trouble here
John P: Is there anything further I may assist you with?
you: So wait, it’s going to be delivered at 1700
you: What time is that
John P: 5pm in mexico
you: What time would that be in NY
you: I want to make sure i’m not at work so I don’t get yelled at
John P: I do not know
John P: I do not know which part of mexico that is
you: Eh those Mexicans won’t know what hit em anyways
you: I think theyre already drinking, shooting and knocking up girls by then
John P: Is there anything further I may assist you with?
you: Do you have any hot sisters?
John P: Thank you for using Yellow Transportation’s web site. We value your business.
Chat session has been terminated by the site operator.
September 14th, 2005 at 4:00 pm
ggabababahahahbahaha!
September 14th, 2005 at 9:23 pm
Welcome to LivePerson! An online representative will be with you shortly. You are number 1 in the queue. Your wait time will be approximately 0 minute(s) and 3 seconds. Thank you for waiting.
You are now chatting with ‘Dean’
Dean: Hello, I’m here to answer your questions about the LivePerson services.
Chi Min: Hi I track package I send
Dean: I think you have the wrong website. You’ve arrived at LivePerson.com, we provide chat technology for online businesses. Go back to the site you were on and click on the actual Chat Button which is a link to their support team. You accidentally clicked on the LivePerson logo below the Chat Button which sends you to the LivePerson website.
Chi Min: I send package to person and they no get
Chi Min: this is web site I given
Chi Min: you tracker man?
Dean: This is liveperson.com
Dean: We sell this chat technology
Chi Min: Im live person who ship with you
Chi Min: I ship package of rare consumables
Dean: You are at the wrong site
Chi Min: chat technology?
Chi Min: this no ship?
Dean: We simply sell this software
Dean: Afraid not
Chi Min: I used to roll around in fece, but I no longer do for my fece very very soft, I ship very soft fece to charlie, a friend of mine in exchange for hard fece! I would like my hard fece now!!
Dean: I think you have the wrong website. You’ve arrived at LivePerson.com, we provide chat technology for online businesses. Go back to the site you were on and click on the actual Chat Button which is a link to their support team. You accidentally clicked on the LivePerson logo below the Chat Button which sends you to the LivePerson website.
Thank you for using LivePerson Live Chat! If you’d like a transcript of this chat sent to you by email, please fill in the Exit survey after closing this chat window.
Chat session has ended. Please close this window and click the chat button again to continue your chat.
September 14th, 2005 at 10:01 pm
Welcome to LivePerson! An online representative will be with you shortly. You are number 1 in the queue. Your wait time will be approximately 0 minute(s) and 5 seconds. Thank you for waiting.
You are now chatting with ‘Dean’
Chi Min: HELLO?!!
Dean: Hi again
Chi Min: I WANT SUPERVISOR!
Chi Min: I VERY VERY MAD!
Chi Min: YOU LEAVE ME!
Chi Min: I WANT PACKAGE!
Dean: You are at the wrong site!
Chi Min: NO NO NO, YOU NO TRY THAT!
Chi Min: IM CHINESE!
Chi Min: YOU TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME!
Chi Min: I AM LIVE PERSON TOO!
Chi Min: I WANT PACKAGE!
Chi Min: YOU TRACK NOW!
Chi Min: NOW!
Chi Min: I PAY GOOD MONIES FOR TRACK
Chi Min: I ASK NICELY NOW, track package
Dean: I cannot do that
Dean: I do not know anything about a package
Chi Min: I need package today, and it is not today in very soon time
Chi Min: I recvd this site
Chi Min: to track package
Chi Min: I have consumable that will dry up and be very very brittle if I do not get package
Chi Min: this is no good
Chi Min: I WANT SUPERVISOR!
Chi Min: I WANT SUPERVISOR!
Chi Min: I PAY GOOOOD MONIES
Chi Min: CHARLIE SHIP ME GOODS, I WANT NOW!
Chi Min: I WANT SUPERVISOR YOU YOU
Chi Min: YOU DEAN!
Chi Min: I VERY UPSET NOW
Chi Min: I AM LIVE PERSON!
Chi Min: I WANT MY PACKAGE!
Chi Min: I PAY YOU!
Chi Min: YOU NO SHIP!
Chi Min: NOW YOU NO TYPE
Chi Min: I WANT SUPERVISE
Dean: You did not pay us anything as this is liveperson.com
Dean: we dont ship anything
Dean: we sell chat software
Chi Min: NO NO, YOU ARE WRONG MR DEAN!
Chi Min: I WAS GIVING A TRACK DIGITS
Chi Min: IT SAYS.. GO TO LIVE PERSON.COM
Chi Min: DEAN, I NEED YOU TO HELP ME!
Dean: I will be right with you.
Dean: Thank you for waiting. I’ll be with you in just a moment.
Chi Min: I have a serious issue.. I am bogged down with mental health issues, did you know that I take at least 4mg of Klonopin a day? Did you know that I take 150mg of effexor to keep me happy, even though im so utterly depressed regardless… depressed to the point where I need to make up a chinese name just to speak with you? Did you know that I like you? You are a liveperson. I like my salad tossed while I ejaculate over a persons face. Have you ever had the luck to have this done? Would you consider doing this to me? I would enjoy it, and maybe you would be too?? I sometimes pass a little gas when a tongue gets a bit deep in there, but it smells like rosewater so no worries. Maybe you can suckle my toes, and I can do you the same. Maybe we can swab each other under the deck of my friends yact? Maybe you can urinate in a cup for me and then we can be blood brothers. I like urinating on people. Not A LOT, but I do.. I am happy you are waiting for me to type out this shit, but ya know, I gotta let it go… can’t keep it locked up inside, can’t hide from my pride, ya know? BTW, My REAL name is Leonard Hans Brustelbagen.
Chi Min: IF you want to get together, you know what do
Chi Min: Oh, yea, I almost forgot, I have genital warts, but no worries, they will go away with enough tetrahydrofuran
Chi Min: Dean????
Chi Min: Oh Deannnnie boy, the irish horns are calling
Chi Min: So you want my digits booster?
Chi Min: shit, my skitzofrenic split personality is kickin in.. I can feel it.. it’s a hot wet feeling.. oh man, shit!
Chi Min: I WANT SUPERVISOR NOW!
Chi Min: I SHIP FECE AND NO RECIEVE!
Chi Min: oOOPS.. teehee, I just tooted and a drop of diahrea came out (blushes)
Chi Min: simple fix, I don’t have to leave the computer.. I just use my middle finger as a crane and scoop it out
Chi Min: my dog cleans it off for me
Chi Min: Ah man, I musta missed a little, now me’s bum burns!
Chi Min: DEAN?????????
Chi Min: Are you masturbating?
Chi Min: you filthy pig you! I LOVE IT!
Dean: I’m sorry for the delay. I’ll be right with you.
Chi Min: Let me talk dirty to you.. ok, so we are in a hot tub together, and I ate burger kings ultimate whopper with double cheese and extra bacon. I feel like it’s about that time to move bowels. Without any notice, and the speed of a cheetah, I drop trow, turn around, and BLAMO! NO WAMMIES! I hit you with the spray of death! You are litterally covered in diahrea!
Chi Min: You wipe the muck from your eyes, and smile like a little kid at a candy store. YOU LITTERALLY LOVE MY SHIT!
Chi Min: I continue pushing my stomach, blasting you with less and less each time. You giggle, like the happy liveperson tech you are.. you are indeed.. in heaven.
Dean: I think you have the wrong website. You’ve arrived at LivePerson.com, we provide chat technology for online businesses. Go back to the site you were on and click on the actual Chat Button which is a link to their support team. You accidentally clicked on the LivePerson logo below the Chat Button which sends you to the LivePerson website.
Thank you for using LivePerson Live Chat! If you’d like a transcript of this chat sent to you by email, please fill in the Exit survey after closing this chat window.
Chat session has ended. Please close this window and click the chat button again to continue your chat.
September 14th, 2005 at 11:17 pm
Please wait for a site operator to respond.
You are now chatting with ”
: Hello. Thank you for using Yellow Transportation’s web site. How may I help you?
you: I can not find my tracking number, but I have bio like goods being shipped to me from an anonymous source. I believe the package weighs approximately 1.5 lbs. It may be vacuum sealed.
you: Hello?????
: I will track down the shipment for you. Please provide the shipper name & zip, the consignee/receiver name & zip along with the ship date.
you: This is horrible customer service, WHAT IS YOUR NAME!
: My Name is Travis.
you: Travis, I DEMAND a faster response.
you: I have high peed internet
you: and I can send and recieve data very fast
: I am very sorry, Do you have the Delivery Zip code, and name.
you: please, provide me with fast customer service
you: Yes, I do, I live in Buffalo NY
you: the package, which I do not know where it is coming from is coming from the United States
: What is the zip code the freight is being delivered to. And what name is it being delivered in?
you: I did a deal with someone on ebay
you: I paid them with paypal and they were supposed to ship it, but they said it could take a few days due to the fact that it would take a few days to get enough of the human waste needed for my experiments.
you: Is there a way to pull up ebay payments?
: We do not sip human waste.
: Ship
you: Well, he said he would relabel it, and vacuum seal it
: There is no way for us to pull up ebay shipments.
you: is that against policy?
: Yes, It is against policy.
you: What if the fecal matter is vacuum sealed within a plastic tupperware container?
you: thats how he said he was going to ship it
: Without a zip code it is delivery to, and a name I cannot look this up for you.
you: oh, I applogize
you: 14216
you: He said he would vacuum seal it so the carriers would not be offended
: And the name it is delivering too?
you: so I appoligize for that
you: O dpm
you: I dont think he knew the policy
you: I gave him a ficticiuos name..
you: is that ok?
you: we are tyrying to remain anonymous
: This site is for business use only. Do you have a question about Yellow Transportation that I can help you with?
you: What?
you: This is exactly what we have been talking about
: Without the info that I have requested I cannot help you.
you: I want your supervisor
you: I GAVE IT TO YOU
you: Buffalo, NY 14216
: There are no supervisors in our facility at this time of day.
you: the name, Ben Dover
: If you would prefer you can call into our customer service center at 1-800-610-6500
you: it’s been 2 weeks now
you: and no delivery’
you: and he shipped through you
you: What is your name again?
you: Im reporting you
you: you have been very unhelful
: I am not able to help you with this further. Please contact our customer service center at 1-800-610-6500
: My name is Travis
you: What is your supervisors name?
: You can call into customer service between 6am and 8pm Central time, and we can get you to a supervisor.
you: I need a sample for dinner on saturday night, would you be able to provide me a sample Travis?? A little loggy poo? A few poopoo’s in a plastic baggy
you: ?
you: I’ll pay you very well
you: You have my fecal sample in route
you: but I need some sooner
you: how close are you located?
you: Is that you on the right?
: No it is not.
: I am now ending this chat. This is for business purposes only. If you would like assistance w/ a Transportation related question please call into customer service.
Chat session has been terminated by the site operator.
September 17th, 2005 at 10:56 am
Please wait for a site operator to respond.
You are now chatting with ‘Mike’
Mike: Hello. Thank you for using Yellow Transportation’s web site. How may I help you?
you: hello?
Mike: Hello
you: yes you are track for me guy?
Mike: How may I help you?
you: what charging I?
Mike: Do you have your tracking number?
you: you track for me
Mike: May I have your tracking number please
you: sorry i no good english yankee boy
you: what tracking?
you: hello?
you: you tracking
Mike: What is the pro or tracking number?
you: for me
you: number
you: yes yes
you: please yes
you: say outloud
you: I am
you: Sofa King
you: We Todd Ed
Mike: Please call 1-800-610-6500 for assistance
Chat session has been terminated by the site operator.
September 19th, 2005 at 3:03 am
Please wait for a site operator to respond.
You are now chatting with ‘Colleen’
Colleen: Hello. Thank you for using Yellow.
you: Hi Colleen
you: I need to track a throatjob well shipment.
Colleeni: Huh?
Colleen: What is the pro #?
you: It means i lay you on the table hands behind your back i mean 444056.
Colleen: The tracking # will be 9 digits, not on the table
you: OK it must be 00004
Colleen: that doesn’t add up to 9
you: sorry it must be where i shove my i mean please give me the number
Colleen: i was a whore in high school but not any i mean it is not 9 digits
you: then what’s the point?
September 28th, 2005 at 1:46 pm
Please wait for a site operator to respond.
All operators are currently assisting others. Thanks for your patience. An operator will be with you shortly.
You are now chatting with ‘Emily’
Emily: Hello. Thank you for using Yellow Transportation’s web site. How may I help you?
you: Hi Emily
you: This is Deuteronomy.
you: I would like to track a passage.
you: John 3:16.
Emily: Hi.
you: Can you track this passage for me?
Emily: Okay…maybe I’ll have to check that verse out. Do you have a package you would like me to track or a transportation question I can answer?
you: I thought I could track passages here
you: It came down from high command (corporate)
Emily: I’m sorry, but we are a freight hauling company…
you: Oh
Emily: This site is for business use only. Do you have a question about Yellow Transportation that I can help you with?
you: Yes, does Yellow Transportation believe in God?
Emily: Sorry.
Emily: I’m sorry, but that is a question for an individual, not a company.
Emily: Do you have a transportation question I can answer?
you: What about you Emily?
Emily: I do, but these are not questions that I am to discuss via chat.
you: I only ship with good Christians.
you: I have to ask, I am sorry.
Emily: Okay.
you: I want to make sure youre not a filthy Turkish Arab
Emily: That’s okay.
Emily: That is not appropriate.
you: I am sorry, I was told as a youth they were dirty.
Emily: If you have a transportation question that I can answer, I would be happy to do so. Otherwise, I will have to sign off.
you: I love God and God alone can save us all.
Emily: Sorry.
Emily: Do you have a question related to transportation that I can answer?
you: I was wondering if you could put me through to the president of the company so I may ask him questions about his religious beliefs. You can’t ever be too sure he’s not a Jew.
Emily: I apologize. Due to the wait, the system has timed out. Please reconnect or call 800-610-6500
Chat session has been terminated by the site operator.
September 28th, 2005 at 2:10 pm
Please wait for a site operator to respond.
You are now chatting with ‘Jen’
Jen: Hello. Thank you for using Yellow Transportation’s web site. How may I help you?
you: Hi Jen
you: I need to track a package
you: Hold on, the number is here. I gotta find Billy real quick
Jen: yes, whats the pro , i will track it
you: Billy, Billy don’t you lose my number
you: Cos you’re not anywhere
you: That I can find you
you: Oh now Billy, Billy don’t you lose my number
you: Cos you’re not anywhere that I can find you, oh no
you: I guess Billy is gone
Jen: Thanks for chatting with Yellow!
you: BBL
***Lyrics from Phil Collins - “Billy don’t you lose my number”
June 26th, 2007 at 5:19 pm
Pretty cool man. I’ve seen this before and wondered about the details. Hard to believe sometimes, but definitely real.
June 27th, 2007 at 1:53 am
Pretty interesting. But not as funny as the original George Bush Buttplug lol.
July 12th, 2007 at 1:36 am
Dennis
What are Second-hand, Used, Overstock, Surplus, Refurbished Computers
July 13th, 2007 at 10:43 pm
Hey, i was surfing the web and i saw your blog, pretty cool. May i link u from my site?
January 13th, 2008 at 5:09 pm
Absolutely not.
March 31st, 2008 at 9:53 pm
i work at yellow, funny stuff!