Home Remedies.
Annoying stains in your oven? Try using gasoline! The octane breaks down cooked on grime to leave your oven sparkling fresh. Afterwards turn it on for some post cleaning fun.
Problems with hiccups? Try putting a loaded gun in your mouth and counting backwards from 10! It works everytime!
Can’t keep your pets off the furniture? Try cutting their legs off! The makeup of their paws also double as a great backscratchers when you’re done!
Can’t get over your fear of heights? Eat an entire Pointsetta plant! You will completely forget about it!
Can’t remember things when you need to? Tie a string to one of your fingers as tight as you can and leave it for days. Once you notice your black dead finger you will instantly be reminded of what you wanted to remind yourself of.
Run out of tampons? Try not using them for some good old fashioned fun!
Sick of paying full price for a Turkey on Thanksgiving? Go to the dog pound and get yourself some sort of Labrador! It’s cheap, easy and your family members won’t ever know the difference!
Doggie doo doo a problem around your lawn? Try sauteeing it in used motor oil and serving it with shallots! Scooping has never been so delightful, or tasty!
Can’t make it to work on time? Break your leg in 16 places and you won’t have to worry about it for at least 3 months!
Can’t get it up? Try not doing so much fucking blow!
People forgetting you all the time? Try carving Slayer into your arm with a razor blade! People will think you’re a huge Slayer fan! No one forgets a Slayer fan!
Irritating smells lingering around your house? Try taking the dead hookers in the closet outside! Even dead whores need fresh air! (Try keeping them out of plain view)
Toilet brush not cutting it? Use your roommates toothbrush! The results are always better with someone elses brush!