Mushroom Love.
Oh princess. I remember it like it was yesterday. Nothing could stop me. It hurts me; I mean, really hurts me when you say I was cheating by warping to level 3 after stage 1-2. I had to run ON TOP OF THE GOD DAMN SCREEN! I nearly lost my head! Stop being so blind! Nevermind the 112 extra lives I got on those stairs by jumping on a flying turtle shell repeatedly. It could have been worse! I could have thrown my hands in the air like I had no idea what was going on and jumped halfway up the screen and disappeared on you! With no lives! Seriously, I needed those for the water level! I couldn’t breathe! FUCK! That’s not the point. All I was after was you. Why don’t you listen? Neither fire nor brimstone nor little crawly things shaped like penis heads nor turtles with wings could stop me. Coins coins coins! It’s all you say now of days. Where did all those extra coins go? I told you honey. I BOUGHT LIFE INSURANCE SO WE COULD BOTH BE HAPPY! After all the bukkake, protein shakes, lazer tag, rape and torture by Bowser and you can’t even thank me for saving you! I’m a plumber for christ sake! You think anyone else thanks me? FORGET ABOUT LUIGI! NO WERE NOT GAY! He lays pipe, I lay pipe, why do you think we’re gay? Yea so what we hang out alot in the shop! Install a camera if you care so damn much! I HAVEN’T CHANGED! LISTEN! I SAVED YOU! Sorry I can’t be all about saving you when you’re safe at home and already saved! Ok fine. How about this. I remember when you used to be able to jump and fly! Even with a turnip on your head! I don’t see that shit anymore! Not even in the bedroom! Yea? So I had a raccoon tail once. So what! It was a phase babe. I only busted it out sometimes, and not for just anybody. I know I used to be able to fly too. IT WAS TEMPORARY! So was the firepower too! I thought you knew! We gotta stop arguing about the past. Please. Babe? No. Look at me! Thats better. Babe, just take me back. Please. I got this mushroom in my hand and I swear this one last time i’ll be a big man and wipe the slate clean.